The Lord of the keys !
by Tarock
Summary: The Key maker has gone insane !!! (it is the fourth time I try to upload correctly this story >
1. Agent Smorcth

Hello people !!! I had the idea for this Matrix spoof after thinking about something. I am French end here in France, the Key Maker is called the Key master. It seems very stupid and made me think about a kind of the Lord of The Keys, the title of this fic. It's a matrix/LOTR crossover but you already got it. Beware of serious randomness !! don ' t hesitated to stone me or to review me. Disclaimer : TLOTR is not mine and nor does the Matrix. Here we go !!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
At the oracle ' s place in the park :  
  
Oracle : You have seen it, in your dreams, haven ' t you? The door made of light?  
  
Neo : [nods]  
  
Oracle : What happens when you go through the door?  
  
Neo : I see Trinity, and something happens, something bad. She starts to fall, and then I wake up.  
  
Oracle: Do you see her die?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Oracle: You have the sight now, Neo. You are looking at the world without time.  
  
Neo: Then why can't I see what happens to her?  
  
Oracle: I dunno. If you woke up before the end of your dream, I can't tell it for you, kiddo.  
  
Neo: Are you saying I have to choose whether Trinity lives or dies?  
  
Oracle: No. I just said I dunno. But if you reach The Source, you will have your answer, but to do that you will need the Keymaker.  
  
Neo: The Keymaker ?  
  
Oracle: Yes, he disappeared some time ago. We did not know what happened to him until now. I heard he turned crazy after hearing the French for his name, the Key Master.  
  
Neo: What does he want?  
  
Oracle: What do all men with power want? More power. He really thinks is a Master. Be there, at that exact time, and you will have a chance. Seems like every time we meet I've got nothing but bad news. I'm sorry about that, I surely am. Good luck, kiddo.  
  
The Oracle leaves with a Chinese dude with pointy hears, Legoraph.  
  
Neo stands up and prepare to leave when he hears :  
  
Mister Anderson !  
  
Neo stares : ACK !!! An orc in an agent suit !! Awful !!  
  
Agent Orc : Surprised to see me ?  
  
Neo : Wait ! I have never met you ! What the hell do you want ?  
  
Agent Orc : You don ' t remember me, but in the first movie you jumped inside me and changed my code so I was exploded.  
  
Neo : o_O Smith ?  
  
Smith : Indeed. I don ' t know how I came back, but I ' m very ugly, because of you, M. Anderson.  
  
Smith orc 2: Because of you, I also lost my job.  
  
Smith orc 3 : Because of you I ' m unemployed.  
  
Smith orc 4: Because of you no women don't want to approach me.  
  
Neo : Before I killed you, you were already unattractive.  
  
Smith orc 5 : herrr … Yeah that ' s true. But after our… collision, some human feelings appeared in me. Maybe by duplication.  
  
Smith orc 6 : And it made me hate you even more.  
  
Smith orc 7 : We want to be handsome, it our new purpose, and you will help us !  
  
Smith hits Neo in the stomach with his fist. Mud starts to spread all over Neo  
  
Neo : HYUCK !!! DUDE !! MY BEAUTIFUL PRIEST COAT !!! YOU GONNA DIIIIIIIEEEE !!!!  
  
Violently Neo send the Orc away with a kick and tries to make the mud go away. But the other Smith orcs attack him. There are seven of them but Neo still can handle them easily. Smith/Orc get angrier because of Neo ' s ability to kick his clones' asses. 93 more Smith/Orc appear from all the accesses of the parc yard and Neo must face them all and is outnumbered as in the movie. Neo gets his famous staff and dispends his generous kung fu abilities in the clones. But soon, Neo cannot support any longer this army of Smiths and flies away just like in the movie.  
  
Neo : ACK !! I hope people won't believe I am a coward !!!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Ok people, this is my third edit and I don't know if I got rid of those strange letters that my first reviewer as told me about (Thank you btw). I hope you enjoyed it and I am waiting for your reviews or your help to solve my technical problems (I cannot say "don't" , I must say "do not", it's boring) 


	2. Meet Smelrond at once, by computer ! X

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stand it anymore !!! There is always a kind of bug when I create a story or add a chapter !!! well it's mydunno-what-number update.  
  
Here is the second chapter of the Lord of the Keys. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and that you understood it because of those b******t strange letters. It's concerns many stories on the site, a compatibility problem certainly.  
  
Stormhawk : Scary ? really ? well, I am just a noob at fanfics, but you are very kind by saying it is funny, that was the aim. ^_^.  
  
Here you will see a mention of "the Middle City". Well, the Matrix looks like a giant city (you know, when Neo take a look above the City in Reloaded, it seems to have no end), so the gigantic buildings would be mountains and small suburbs cities would be the Shire, and outside, well I dunno yet.  
  
Disclaimer : both The Matrix and TLOTR are not mine. And Smelrond too, it is the property of a fic writer I forgot the name.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 2 : Meeting Smelrond  
  
After the Burly Brawl, on the Neb:  
  
Trinity (panicked): Neo, what happened?  
  
Morph (quietly): Was it Smith?  
  
Neo: Yeah.  
  
Morph: There are more of him, right?  
  
Neo: A lot more, and even uglier. He must have found a way to replicate himself. Oh! And the Oracle told me that we must find the Key Maker. She gave me the address.  
  
Without any kind of logical explanation, Neo hands a letter to Morpheus (you know, like Bane and the other dude before Smith got him).  
  
Morph O_o : Aaaaaalright…  
  
~~~@~~~  
  
The next day at the Big Building  
  
The trio goes on a lift and then encounter a kind of " maitre d hotel ", a guy who welcomes people.  
  
Guy: Que puis-je faire pour vous ?  
  
Neo: Wot ?  
  
Guy(exasperated): -_- Hmpf. I asked you what I could do for you.  
  
Neo: Oh ! Ok. Then we want to meet with Smelrond.  
  
Guy: Qui ?  
  
Neo: Smelrond. Isn't this the Rivendell Inn Hotel ?  
  
Guy: HA ! Dieu no ! You are at ze Merovingien Building! The Rivendell Inn iz on ze ozer side of ze street, just in front of zis one!  
  
Morph: Oops! Sorry, wrong building.  
  
Guy : Pas grave, abruti !  
  
Morph: huh ?  
  
Guy: I said it iz not a matter, Sir.  
  
Morph (suspicious): O...K  
  
They go back in the lift. Neo feels strange.  
  
Morph: Do you feel anything?  
  
Neo: It seems that someone just removed several explosives from the structure of this building.  
  
Morph: Really? Maybe they had problems with rats in the ventilation system.  
  
Trinity (happy): Using bombs against rats? That's really fun, believe me!  
  
In the Rivendell Inn's Lobby – a lot of strange people are going in and out. Most are tall, very beautiful and with pointy ears and are moving gracefully like on bullet time mode, there are also some beardy midget people and hairy footed small ones.  
  
Neo, to a reception hostess : We would like to meet Smelrond.  
  
Hostess: You are?  
  
Neo: uh… We were sent by the Oracle.  
  
Hostess: Well, then please follow me.  
  
The woman starts to walk forward with great grace.  
  
Trinity: Hey, listen to me! I think that you should move faster or I'll kick your ass, and if you don't, you can go to hell!  
  
The hostess walks faster with a scared glance at Trinity.  
  
The trio goes in a lift (again) to get out on a furnished building rooftop with an amazing view on Middle City. There are lot of people and a tall man comes to greet the trio.  
  
Smelrond: May you be welco……  
  
Morph and Trin draw their guns and Neo takes on a kung fu pose.  
  
All three: SMITH !  
  
Smelrond: Damn it ! I don't know why humans are scared of me! I am not Smith, he looks like me but I am not an agent! I am the elf-king program! I am your ally, just like the Oracle.  
  
The trio slowly put down guns and menacing poses  
  
Neo: Why are we here?  
  
Smelrond: To stop the "Key Master"  
  
Neo: -Maker.  
  
Smelrond: No, Master! I know who he is! And I know he became evil. But let us now join the Council, and you will have your answers.  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
  
Ok. I think I am starting to have little coherence problems and I must find out how to resolve them. Any advice would be welcome. So please , R+R 


	3. The story of the one Key and the creatio...

My god !! So many reviews and I am a beginner !! Thank you all !! I love ya !!! Send me some fangirls !!!! lol. Let's get serious a bit.  
  
DD : Sorry I hurt your stomach. But I thank you ;-)  
  
Cmdr Gabe E : Happy to see you liked my crazy story. You will have to wait to see the Key Master, Maker, lord of the Key, whatever you want to call him. But in this chap, you'll learn why he turned evil.  
  
Darkangel-mysticat : Oh lord !! I nearly killed you !!! I missed !! You'll die laughing soon !!!!!! lol !! thank you for your review !  
  
Audrey A : Thank you for your review. However I think I got rid whit my problem. You'll soon see something easy to read, I hope  
  
So here we go with chap 3 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Chapter 3 - The story of the One Key  
  
On the roof top of the Rivendell Hotel, Smelrond's council is ready. Smelrond tells the story of the One Key to the assembly.  
  
Smelrond - Welcome to you all, people of the Middle City ! We are gathered here because the both worlds are in danger : the Reality and the Matrix. We must stand together blah blah blah....  
  
Neo (to Trinity) - He starts to annoy me with his speech. What is the point ?  
  
Trinity - It's me you ask it ?  
  
Neo - Never mind..  
  
Morpheus - Lord Smelrond, explain us what is happening. We 're wasting time !  
  
Smelrond o_o' - Huh. True. There is a key, meant especially for the one, allowing him to go to the source and the sake of our both worlds. This key has plenty other powers : it opens everything, even Fort Knox, the White House or Bill Gates' house. The Keymaker forged it, but it corrupted his mind and he started to use it to spy on all the Matrix girl's locker rooms. After it, he became more ambitious. He stole money, software licences, and Cheesy Cakes, and corrupted nine Linux developers and made them the Gatezgulzs. He tried to get to the source ages ago (author : last month actually), but in front of the Building of Doom, he was stopped by the last alliance of computer elves and men-that-have-no-idea-what-is-the-Matrix. The men were told that he was a bad guy, and it was enough for them. During the battle, the One Key was lost, the Key Maker had to retreat, and then.  
  
Neo - That's nice, but what happened to that key ?  
  
Smelrond - I was coming to that before your smelly face INTERRUPTED ME !!!!! SHUT UP !!! I'M THE ONE WHO TALKS !!!  
  
Neo O_O - O.K..  
  
Smelrond - A little dude, Gollum, found The Key. It consumed his mind and it gave him access to everything he wanted. It brought him incredible big cash ! But the One Key betrayed him and came to Bill Bob, a hobbit. He saw no use for it so he gave it to me, to keep it until the One, Neo, comes to me. You will have to go to the Building of Doom and get to the Source.  
  
Neo - So. If I remember the Lord of the Rings book, if I'm the one, I'm supposed to be Frodo ? LOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL !!!! I am too big to.  
  
Smelrond waves his hand on Neo and he becomes half the size of a normal human.  
  
Neo - WHAT THE .. ?  
  
Smelrond ^_^ - I thought you wanted it. It fits with the story.  
  
Morpheus - Hey ! Can I be Gandalf ?  
  
Voice - That is my part, punk head !  
  
Everybody turns and sees the Oracle dressed like Gandalf, but without the beard. She's an old lady but not at this point. A strange Chinese elf with small round shades and long dark hair stands by her side. Legoraph  
  
Smelrond - Welcome, Glorialf Foster. It is nice that you join the quest.  
  
Morpheus - Awwww.Who am I then ? (pouts)  
  
He turns into smaller but still bigger than the hobbit-Neo, and a big beard appears.  
  
Smelrond - It fits you pretty good !! (laugh madly) MOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Would like a nick ? Morphli ! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.  
  
Morpheus - STOP THAT ! I'LL BE THE DWARF ! BUT MY NAME REMAINS MORPHEUS !!! OK ????? You're so mean.  
  
Legoraph - I will come to.  
  
Trinity - And who should I be ? huh ? huh ?  
  
Smelrond - Err. Well. I don't know. (thinks a long time). Here are my propostions : Arwen, Eowyn, or .. Sam.  
  
Trinity - Sam ? You think I should be a gay gardener ? Did you watched me ? I'm a girl, damnit !!  
  
Smelrond - Make your choice, I don't have a better one !  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * ** * * ** * * * ** * * * * * ** * * ** * * * ** * *  
  
So What will be Trin's answer ? How will Neo and Morpheus assume their new appearance ? Is the Oracle a good Gandalf ? Well, we'll see in an another chapter.  
  
See ya ^___^ !!!! 


End file.
